I have heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest.
But that doesn’t mean that it lasts forever.
We never discuss the negatives of life or relationships on social media. It’s all, I went to this exotic place, look how fabulous I look and what new things I have bought. Just like yours, my feed is also full of people achieving this or that, gaining more and more success and becoming famous! And it’s great, please don’t get me wrong! But it also can set false expectations for others and can make people feel like shit if you are not achieving, succeeding or progressing in life – it can feel like everybody’s life is going well apart from yours!
This is also true when it comes to relationships!
We see smiling couples, declarations of love and endless happy anniversary posts. Yes I am guilty of this too! I love sharing pictures of Kesh and I on social media; or even Kesh alone (he’s so handsome) – see I’m doing it now! He’s my best mate and arguably my favourite person in the world (today he is, who knows about tomorrow). To me it’s not showing off our relationship, but more of being proud of it. But to others it could be seen as showing off and flaunting. That’s not my intention and it isn’t for many other people. But the issue is – that feeling can’t always be stopped.
Now it would be awkward recording an argument or putting up a picture of us screaming at one another on Instagram. But in reality… IT HAPPENS. WE FIGHT. A LOT.
Since we got married we have both been struggling, we haven’t had the best beginning and the last few months settling into life together haven’t been easy – for various reasons. The details of which I am not willing to go into, primarily because I don’t want to air my dirty laundry to the world but I’m trying to present that things can be hard and SHIT for everyone despite how it may seem from the outside.
No relationship is perfect! But this is how we plan to improve it…..
By dating more!
We made a huge mistake – in the first 4 months we didn’t go out alone, we didn’t go for dinners, days out etc. Stupid, stupid, stupid!
We were so overwhelmed by the problems that we didn’t prioritise spending time together and when it came to it, we didn’t actually want to spend time together because we were sick of being around each other. What a lovely situation right?!
But prioritising ‘dating’ is working wonders for us!
A few weeks ago, we spent the day in Brighton, alone, walked around, ate some great veggie food and just enjoyed each other’s company for first time in a long while. We spoke to each other with respect and love – most importantly left the issues at home.
Then we start remembering why we fell in love and why we married each other in the first place. It’s so easy to forget when so many other things are going on!
We have also been meeting with friends, having a mini double dates and it is great interacting with others going through similar situations. It’s a reminder that you are not alone!
Now we have prioritised ‘dating’! We go for smaller/less costly date nights to local places and then bigger ones too. Last week we were dining at a Michelin restaurant in central London and spent the evening out in the city. Whether it’s the cinema, an activity or a day in a different town. We are concentrating on going out and getting together which allows us to refocus, forget and grow with each other!
‘Dating’ is something we do once a week now and it’s saving us! We have something to look forward to and something to do together without anyone else. A time to remember the importance of one another.
The aim of this post is to show people who are getting married or ‘comfortable’ in their relationships that we need to remember to nourish them for them to blossom. Not take each other for granted and try every day.
Even nearly a decade together, it’s been a difficult time for us and we have learnt from experience but it’s still a long road ahead.
If just one person can learn from reading this and not go through the pain we experienced – I did my job.
Here’s a few things you can do for ‘Date Night’ this month.
- Cinema (simple and so easy – great movies out this season)
- Winter Wonderland
- Christmas Markets
- Movie night in (Christmas movies are the one/Netflix!)
- Dinner at home (cook together or takeaway)
- Day outside of your town or city (go explore somewhere different)
- Afternoon Tea
- Brunch in the City
Post your idea’s below!